it feels very lonely this year end. seriously i suck at keeping contacts with people. i feel so failure now. i really only learn to treasure people when i lose them. this is bad...

ok la maybe its not so bad. ya i am sure if i make an effort i can still talk to people. maybe it will feel weird at first but i am sure it will be fine later. haha i think i am just lazy to talk to people in the first place. so i shldn't complain about not having friends.

gosh... ok i gotta rephrase everything. its actually not lonely this year end, i just realised cause i am just too busy. thats why i can't keep in contact with pple. sigh... what did i get myself into.... ok la its not so bad, i still get to meet people and see people. i think i just need to adjust. plus studying and everything, its gonna be tough but i must endure!!!

today feels like one of those sad day. actually it is. blah... what to do what to do? i must ignore. and i must endure.

Thot that the previous post would be my last post in dec, but maybe there might still be more to come. little sleep and complain in the morning doesn't bode well at all.

the water in the morning feel icy cold and i just wondered if the world had turned so as well. oh well just a random thought. maybe its me who has turned cold. but i am determined to change that, i need to know what i really want now. it never felt so hard before but i am definitely more sure of what i am doing now.

2 complain, 1 joke and awhole lot about problems. what a morning. then i turn cynical and criticise everything in the little head of mine. but i think i stopped before i even started. sometimes pessimism seem to be an addiction that allow me not be involved in the pain and misery in the world. haha maybe it isn't so bad after all. yup i think i can see things in a different light. maybe i dun really adapt well to changes. haha so random.

ok nvm. i gotta stop dwelling in it. dun worry please. you know i am telling u. even though it seems like its gonna rain i am sure it will be agreat day ahead. time to get to spring cleaning!

whoa i realised i didn't blog since the end of november. wonder what came over me. anyway just came back from penang last night.

Firstly let me complain. Why can't people dun be so gossipy!!!!! gosh. i guess human beings means that gossiping is what being human is all about.

And i realised my eyes are red, didn't realised until now. I wonder what is happening to me and why i am so tired. But at the same time i want to work, do something, and not just play or enjoy my day away. These kind of days seem sinful and i can't seem to deal with it. Haha becoming a workaholic or always have been a workaholic. Thinking about work, think i am gonna study until christmas, i rest for so many days and the urge to study is just like so huge now.

I think i have really been lazy and bad, never read the bible for so long.... although i promised myself that i am going to do it at least every alternate nights. Tonight might just be a good night to pick it up again.

Talking about the bible reminds me of what my dad told me about christianity in penang. Something about better to be a catholic than a methodist? i wonder what is really the difference. Why can't things just be simplier? I think i will just go ask my friend about it. really dunno much in this area.

Life has been unpredictable lately. I wonder what else is gonna happen.

I am determined to quit my bad habit in this new year. I am gonna not do it for one year. After one year my addict should stop. I must do it, this is my last pitfall that i have to overcome.

I think i need to start letting God really come into me, i wonder how much faith i really have in christainity as a religion. Maybe like all they say, i have to rely on the strength of god or i really can't move on. So many things i want to do, so little time and energy, i am merely an insignificant being. Sigh...

Ok so many other things to blog about but i am really lazy to talk about everything. For now everything will stay in me. Maybe it will slowly come out.