The title of this blog post is the title of a book i just read by Sigmund Freud. He suggests that every actions/mistake taken by human beings is affected by ones subconsicousness. This is provided that they are consicously not thinking of what they are doing at that time. Therefore, any slip in actions or accidental mistakes done by a person can actually be affected by things that had happened to him before or memories related to his childhood. Besides these two ways, there are still many other subconsicous reason taht can affect us. I am deeply impressed by the examples cites by Freud. Even though he had no real sceintific experiments to prove his theory, he was able to come up with numerous examples to back this theory. And furthermore, his analyst are extremely critical and his creativity allows him to link seemingly unrelated ideas together.

This idea is actually very scary because it shows that no matter how irrational our actions may seem sometimes, they are actually very related to how we actually feel and how we think. Therefore, we are able to actually predict people's action if we have enough information on hand. That is a very scary thought. We are able to read people's mind, every action can be predicted and even controlled by altering the ideas in someone's head. Perfection is no long just a dream but a reality.

Sometimes, i wonder what my body react is actually very related to what i think. I always skip meals nowadays and i realised that when that happens, my stomach dun feel hungry sometimes but yet at few occasions, i can feel extreme grastric pains or extremely hungry. This might be due to the fact that i want to punish my own body and thus causing my body to react that way. Therefore, it can allow me not to eat at regular timings. My mum told me that this can affect my stomach digestive system because it can sometimes overwork(when i feel extremely hungry) and under work (when i don't eat at all). This will then cause digestive problems. Then i will somehow end up like my dad in the end. Maybe subconsicously i am trying to model my dad. But i don't understand why. Maybe if i dwell further into it i might figure something out someday. Scary isn't it? Haha.

I hate being myself. Irony of it all is that what i hate is what i am. Yes we humans are 'profound' creatures. I am sure...

Weird isn't it? Life that is... Every second you proceed on in life you step one step closer to death. Pondering about life and death is bringing me not where closer to the meaning of life. But i just think that it is a very cool thing to know what death really is all about. What if u wake up after dying and see the buddha in front of you. All the devoted christians in the world are going to be so shock that they might not be able to take it. Haha. Perhaps you will not even feel that way anymore when u are dead.

For a moment today, i felt that i was closer to death than any other moment in my life. For a split second i felt nothing. Like everything in my life has been fulfilled and done. All the jigsaw puzzles are formed up and in place. Then i felt like.... thats all. For a moment i thought that i was going to die anytime. Sounds scary but there was a calmness to all that.

Wow. A whole lot of nonsense.

1812 overture...

Emptiness

Can't cry

Wanna scream

frustration.....

Why can't i make up my mind? The idea of taking psychology always come back to me no matter what. Hai.... KUSO!!!

Everytime people tell me, 'why u keep studying one?', 'Aiya, dunnid to do so much la, u sure pass de', 'Haha, u going for wad today arh? Driving lesson or Jap lesson or Theory lesson?' I just feel so.... argh...

Keeping myself occupied is good i guess but i wonder if i went too far already. Sigh... I really dunno what i am doing all these for.

I really have no goal. Or no courage to go for my goal.

I think i need more sleep. Definitely.

Human beings are all susceptible to illusions. Depending on the situation, they can believe that a straight line is curved or a curved line is straight. Yes, how cruel is the world to humans. No one is spared. Life is cruel, sad and harsh. People force themselves to being something else just for survival.

Saddeness only invites more saddness. Anger only invites more anger. Negativity invites more negativity.

Why haven i realised it?

I realised i am very easily affect by what people tell me. Very easily influenced.

Sadness is easily rubbed off onto me. Even though i might not be the one experiencing all the pain, i can feel the sadden overwhelming inside when i see someone suffer. It happens all the time. When i see my friends get scolded by the teacher until like the person almost cry. Or like maybe sometime bad happened to him or things like that. Even when i watch shows, i know that they are made up story, but i still feel very much for the character inside. But ironical, i dun feel it as bad when i undergo the same things myself. I feel very numb when it happens to me. Maybe i aam just too sad to even feel it. Haha. Whatever...

A last minute post b4 i sleep. Gd nite nauxie...

Have been feeling weird this few days. I wonder why. I keep thinking but i just can't find any leads. Maybe something bad is going to happen.

I feel more crappy today after i alighted a bus stop earlier on my way home. I didn't even realise it until i alighted. Its either i have lack of sleep or just plain blur. I dun think i was tired. Was cursing and swearing still when i realised it. Must be damn blur. Sometimes i wonder how i became a leader in sec sch and JC. I am seriously damn blur la.... Alot of luck involved definitely.

I realised i feel cold everywhere i go without the sun. Everywhere is like damn clod for me now suddenly. Even on buses, in rehearsal room, in the office, the the QM room. Oh man...

I realised i like talking to myself alot. Then sort out alot of problems. Haha. Its like the same for the blog. I feel like i am talking to myself when i type here. Always will feel better, like i chuck one part of me away somewhere to sort out by itself later.

When i think about things, it somehow always lead back to why i am here and now? What is my purpose in life? Haha then i will be like... Aiya shit... heck... Sucks to think about it. N i feel damn full of crap now. N i feel angsty. There is definitely something wrong with me thats why i feel so weird. But being in somebody's company help to distract me from this. So thats good. I feel happy when i am with people. Especially people i feel a bond with. And i am happy that my piano is tuned today!!! hahahahahahahahaha.

Oh man so cute.... Haha. I just the pure and innocence i see in him. No troubles and no worries. Haha i want to be like him too!!

Sometimes i wonder how ugly can humans can. THe things that come out of their mouth can just be so.... yuck...

I think i definitely woke up on the wrong side of bed today. Felt screwed up when i was waiting for my driving lesson. Then my leg started trembling when i drove. Definitely screwed up. Feels like a screwed up day...

Its kinda tough when u know someone have a problem and u dunno whether u should ask or not. For me, I am always scared that i might be giving the wrong advice. But i won't hesitate to ask about the person's problem. Then i will kind of regret it because i realised i don't know what i should say after that. I might know what i will deal with the situation but i feel that if i told the person the wrong thing i might screw up his life. Hai... Why is it so difficult? Then after everything, i still don't know whether i have done the right thing or not. It sucks to not know whether u have screwed up the person's life or u have made it better. U just can't tell until very much later. It keeps alot of regrets with u and alot of burden stays with u as well. No wonder that say its tough being a nice guy.

I want to understand others better so i can have a better view of the situation. I want to help others. But i have no idea how i should do it.

Sometimes i just wonder if ignoring something is better or actually hating it when u r really annoyed. Even though people always say u should try to control ur anger, doesn't it show that u no longer care about that person if u just ignore him. Tough choice isn't it? Ignoring makes everything more peaceful with less conflict however does it reqlly improve our relationship? Sometimes ignoring also mean that we have to sustain our anger inside of ourselves which is actually also bad for us. How often do everyone of us actually se our parents quarrel or actually always very loving with each other? This goes for parent children relationships and other relationships as well. I guess we must be able to do what is right at that time and have sort of a balance when it comes to this kind of situations. Fighting back is not always the right thing or the 'nice' thing to do but sometimes we might just have to do it to show that we still love the other person or proof a point to the other person. If we are to always choose to ignore it, we might one day realise that the relationship will slowly drift away....