another week. looks like i survived somehow. Even though i tell people to always tell and say out their problems. I find it hard for me to say mine to others. But i think its good. Haha if not next time when i counsel people, the counsellor become the counsellee.

As people get older, do they become bolder and become more obliviously to others? Must they feel that everyone else must give way to them? I use to be quite angry at those ignorant elderly but nowadays i think i really empathise with them. I think it will be much easier for us as youths to look out for them instead of only blaming others when things happen.

Babies are really like clean sheets of paper. If left alone, they will dirty and soil themselves. Thats why they need a good environment to live in. So that they can be kept pure and clean. When people say that humans are naturally good or bad, i believe in neither. I only believe that we are all neutral and society will definitely lead us the wrong way if we are not educated properly. Just like it is easier for a piece of paper to become dirty then to stay clean, it is easier for us to learn the bad things than the good. Such a sad world.

Playing multiple roles in the family is hard. Having to be the man of the house, the honours student, the filial son, the helpful child, the accomodating daughter? I dunno what else. Going out with 4 aunties, 1 cousin and 1 stranger was definitely not a good experience at the start. But i guess i just got used to it and shut myself out. I use to think that going out with the family was important for bonding. But i think it can have adverse effects when dealt with incorrectly. The orderly life from p1 to sec 4 i no longer there. I still rmb dr lee tell me why are u so afraid of girls last time? My mum was the only girl that i had proper contact with. now i think back, it is really having a very negative impact on me. I think i really have changed alot. No longer the mommies boy i use to be. Trying to struggle to get out of my mold, its so hard when i am constantly reminded of it. Maybe it will all be better when my dad is no longer working overseas...

U think that u will get used to it after living the same life for 10 or more years. Everything was calm, blissful with the occassional hiccups. Then everything changes and u are exposed to a new world. A world where there are so many things to learn, experience, endure through. Just a small interrupt and destroy everything that was once peaceful. hai...

I have stopped hoping for anything already. I think in order for things to be happier, everything has to move on. And maybe by moving on, what we hope for then can come true. Clinging on the the tine bit of hope is good. But always remember that life have to move on. Only when the wheel of fortune continue to spin, will we have the chance for that hope to be realised again. Yeah hope and walk. Do not hope and sit there, cry, indulged in self pitiful, hoping even more that people will pull u along. Only when u start walking by urself will things move faster and the wheel spinning faster.

There is still a lots more to learn and understand in live. To think that even at the very last moment before ur death, u might still learn something new before moving on the learn about death.

I think i can really find peace there. Everybody seems kinds, friendly and helpful somehow. I think its been a long long time since i have dwell in such an environment. The world is just full of danger and humans. Perhaps they won't understand but i think as long as nothing bad happens, it is a good thing in itself already.

Full of emotions, full of sorrow,
but yet the source is unknown.
Blinded by the past and molded by the present,
he is led only towards darkness
at the end of the path, nothingness
or just a dream untold, unspoken, unrevealed
music, tranquility
solace he will find alone