Humans are very untrustable. U never really know what they are thinking. Its really hard to tell sometimes. Even the person himself might not know everything about himself. Just give an example. Like people sleep walking. They dunno what they r doing. It applies to everything we do somethings.

Everyone wants to think they are nice. They like to judge people and catergorise them into A/B/C and so on. For what? So that they can feel better about themselves. See how selfish humans are. Sry i am going to be super negative. When concern for people occurs, it is actually due to transference of personal experience to other people's lives. Its cause when your own live is not doing well thats why u want others to be better. So in the end care and concern is it for yourself, or for others? I dunno. U decide and u think for yourself. I think i have already state my stand on this. Thats why humans can't be trusted. Ok maybe not all humans. I know i can't be trusted. Full of evil thots i have.

So what is the meaning in life? Why the need to learn and gain knowledge? Why the need to work our ass off so that we can earn enough to enjoy life? Why the need to get married and have kids? So many whys and so little time.

I hate myself everyday a little more. Cause everyday i do an extra bad thing. It can be just a minor thing like a small evil thot or small laidback action. But nevertheless its cause there is darkness in our hearts. In yin yang, there needs to be equal balance of good and evil. that is quite common knowledge. The principal of duality. But the 2nd part of that theory is that in every good there is a little evil and in every evil there is a little good. haha. actually that sounds good right? i mean that means that there is goodness in everything. But i see it a different way, there is darkness in everything. Nothing is pure.

ok enough of negativity. I think i will commite suicide or something if i ramble on. argh....

wow, last year this year i think i am still stuck in tekong. looks like i survived through the first year of ns. Yeah i must agree with my mum that it is definitely a good journey to go through. I felt that i changed alot. and i felt that they are all for the better. But that is not for me to judge. Its for everyone ard me and for him to judge. Most importantly for him i think. oh well but i didn't change cause i needed anyone's acknowledgement anyway.

reunion dinner was heartwarming and full of laughter. Especially when there are children around. No matter how naughty they are, they are still a bundle of joy to everyone.

i think i still got a long way to go. a lot to learn. To be wise. To be patient. To be tolerant. To be kind. To be caring. To know when and where. and the list goes on.

I can't wait to see where life leads me. I wonder why.

turmoil and anguish have been unleashed upon thy world
human thoughts are deceiving and full of illusions
power hunger, strive for control, survival
causes for the divide and the confusion laid upon this land
there can only be one, the one and only
which?
only by faith and not by sight
only by heart and not by mind