still feeling melancholy about the whole thing. i guess its retribution. its really not easy to lead a happy life. haha... but i guess its not that hard either

omg... my internet explorer is screwed up. lol. i can't seem to view the page i am typing on properly.

anyway... its been such a long time since i blogged. feels weird doing it again.

anyway, i guess this post is just for venting. since i haven vent here for so long. I thot i might as well.... haha...

at the end of the day i still dunno whats wrong with me. haha ok maybe not with me. With the things itself. i didnt know that i was the weaker one. well at least i know i made the right choice finally. but knowing that just makes me feel worse than before. i guess the truth always hurts. and another truth is that what you give doesn't whole proportion to what you receive. life just sucks. how i wish i am not on the losing end. but now i think i am. but its a lesson learnt. definitely a well deserved one as well. i just wished i could have learnt it another way. but i guess life is just liddat.

i just want to think that i am happy now. or wish that i am. time to go to sleep anyway... good night and sweet dreams....

wah its 1 o clock. haha i am pretty screwed. tired from playing games. its really a wrong way to escape.

i think even though i have lots of things to do. the reason i become so tired is because of all the other random things i do to myself. like tonight. zzz....

i really give up on caring le. i wonder what i am suppose to do seriously. what am i sacrificing myself for? i thought being cheerful was the right way to go. i guess it was until i dunno what happened to me. i thought i was doing ok but i thought wrong. i guess i assume too much. life. oh well, another day and another happening. just another few tens of thousands of days to go or even lesser...

wanted to pen my thoughts down
but really too tired to think
good night ming xuan

Advices seem something easy and simple for the advisor. He does not need to understand the mental capacity for carrying out a 'simple' task for he is only giving a suggestion. The outcome of the suggestion normally does not influence him greatly or directly. Therefore, its simple to give advices. Sometimes when i reflect back on my advices, i realised that they are not so easy to do after all. Its especially so when you are facing the same situation and you try to give yourself the same advice. you just know it doesn't work.


And sometimes when you want to give an advice, you realised that you yourself haven been even doing those things you want to tell others to do. it frustrates you and put you in dilemma.

So even though giving advice might seem like a form of caring, i feel that there are just times when you have to know when you care and when not to. because sometimes by not giving advice is actually beneficial to the person.

But its just damn irritating when it happens to you. I think i am almost on the verge of giving up le. Not giving up on caring but just giving up on thinking too much for someone else. Thats the easy way out i guess. I just wished there was something i can do...

Many things might seem like fantasies on shows. but it never ever happens in reality. It does perhap but at a very small chance. I should really listen more and assume less. The truth always hurts i guess, thats why people choose to reject rather than comprehend.

I dun even know what i am feeling now... Frustrated? Anger? Regret? Maybe it all has to come together. I guess live does seem to be a suffering. Oh well doesn't matter.

quod me non necat me fortiorem facit. That which does not kill us make us stronger. I shall just move on in life

its been a long time since i had one. really missed it alot. although i must say the dinner was like better than any restaurants. haha. oh well, but i dun think thats the important part. i guess what i am looking for is just some homecooked meals. its tough to do kind of things in the current society. everyone like to work and no one likes to cook anymore.

i guess ns do forge close bonds between impossible people. but sometimes bonds you just wonder how long will they last? can these bonds endure tests and storms? haha i dunno and i am too lazy to think about it. but from past experiences, i always somehow drift away from my friends after leaving school and stuff. i guess i am just not the kind to leave an impression of liking to communicate. haha...

suffering is like gas. when you put gas into any container, it will just fill up the whole thing no matter how little there is. suffering when experienced also fills the entire human. and when we experience just a little of it, it affects the whole us. but i guess that why humans have to find meaning in their life. they have to find meaning in their suffering in order to endure it. He who has a why to live can endure almost any how. a beautifully crafted phrase by Nietzsche.

somehow i feel like i am getting dettached from the world. as always. too buys handling even my small personal world. seriously bad time management. i guess i gotta give and take.

as one move on in life, there is no end to the boundless mystery waiting to be encountered and experienced by one...

Another month over....

Emotions running by everday....

Sadness, despair, melancholy, regrets, loneliness.

Time to start all over again i guess.

Its been a long time since i have been deciving myself. Finally its time to face the reality. Wasted time and money on it. I guess enough is enough. Sorry.... i guess i can always rely on your to be there for me. I wonder what would have happened without your.

I shall promise myself to not do any more stupid things. First step is to go and sleep!!! and get back all my good habits. I guess old is still good.

I guess i am happy about this. But i think the cost is still too great. Imagine what i could have done with all those things.... Sigh...

At the end of the day, there is only them you can rely on... Thanks for everything...

here is a quick one before i start my assignment. Oh man its 1045.... gotta to start soon and hopefully finish asap by 1130 then go sleep. haven been sleeping much.

i have so many things to do now. but i realised its not that i dun have time to them all. its cause of bad management and gaming. i have got to stop gaming already. it taking up alot of my time. i need to tell myself to work before play. i can't ask anyone for help in this. i dun think anyone can help me anyway.

sometimes i wonder why i am so alone in this world...